The Exploits of Crafty McGee

In our home, we have a little imp who is responsible for many of the events a less knowledgeable person might blame on forgetfulness, spirits from the afterlife, or your spouse. Crafty McGee, as the name suggests, is sneaky and sly -- and disarmingly charming. He rarely gets caught, and when we come close to catching him, he shows off a bright smile that would fool a lesser person.

Crafty McGee is most often seen in Hesperos. In fact, we're pretty sure Hesperos is always Crafty McGee even though evidence is difficult to collect and the suspected culprits always provide an alibi for the other. Recent examples of Crafty McGee's presence in our home:

• A slice of fresh banana bread, left outside unattended, missing. Children look amazingly content and chipmunk-cheeked.


• The removal of all the teabags from the drawer which were then lined in spooky perfect rows and columns on the floor.
  
• A bathtub filled to the brim with the foamiest of bubbles that oddly made the children's hair silkier, shinier, and more manageable (but not their temperaments). Mommy's shampoo bottle is empty. Worried that Crafty McGee might follow instruction to rinse and repeat, shampoo is now relocated to the highest shelf in the bathroom resulting in Mommy having to do the "I'm-so-cold-and-wet" dance to get it whenever needed.
  
  
• Socks regularly missing from Mommy's drawer. Innocent-faced protestations came with added information that "Mommy socks make good gloves."


• Nearly full iced tea glasses that empty quicker than one might think. Following a recent visit to a water treatment plant where we learned about the water cycle, it's been suggested that iced tea evaporates quickly.

When Mommy was growing up, Grandpa Wil would put select foods in an extra refrigerator stored in the laundry room locked with a padlock. Supposedly this is where Grandpa Wil's parents' prescription medications were kept for child safety, but Mommy and several of her siblings know without question that it contained many delights: chocolate, liverwurst (delight is a relative term), soda, beer, ice cream, and more. Mommy often mocked Grandpa Wil and his killjoy over-protection of the family edible assets.

With the knowledge gained by motherhood, Mommy now knows that Grandpa Wil must've had a Crafty McGee or two (or more) of his own.

Glorious Stubbornness

Tonight after dinner, the entire fam schlepped ourselves over to an office supply store to purchase a replacement printer. Located right next door to the pet store, we promised the children that if they were well-behaved in the store (no running around, no touching things that weren't theirs), we would take them for a quick trip to view the snakes and fish.

For Helios, this worked pretty well. There was some mild spiritedness, particularly around the large paperclip bins which were apparently beyond tempting. But, other than approaching the cute female sales clerk and sharing with her every detail of his new Transformer toy in excruciating detail, he was fairly good. (In our opinion, the sales clerk did a remarkable job of feigning interest in boy toys, leading Mommy to believe that she will be, if she's not already, a superlative girlfriend.)

For Hesperos? It. Was. Utter. Disaster. He ran laps around the store, he pulled reams of stationery off the racks and tried to build houses, he refused to hold hands, and he plucked red/white/blue tinsel off the very unseasonable flag table display.

So, when Daddy and Helios merrily sauntered off to the pet store, Hesperos and Mommy went to the car where he screamed. And howled. And screamed. There are souls in the seventh circle of hell who probably felt like they got off easy, based on the tortured wails issuing from Hesperos' body. Demonstrating his mighty lung power, Hesperos stopped his ululations only to wipe his nose with his shirt and glare at Mommy peevishly to ensure she paid attention to him.

Once, Mommy reached into the back seat of the car to wipe Hesperos' nose with a tissue. "No!" he shouted. "My nose!" He covered his nose protectively with both hands. "This is MY NOSE, Mommy! You can't have it!"

Calmly, Mommy explained to Hesperos that she doesn't want his nose. She just wants to wipe it.

"No, Mommy! It is MY nose yucky." ("Nose yucky" being mucous, in case you didn't infer that.)

He glared. Mommy sighed with resignation and moved in for the stealthy wipe. He dodged, Mommy swerved. He blocked with his arm, Mommy swooped around it. He ducked, Mommy honed in. (He's locked into a car seat, so Mommy has a bit of an advantage.) SUCCESS! Nose wiped!

Now, the unholy sounds of three-year-old rage were unleashed from a previously unknown repository of vocal might. Unimpressed, Mommy stared at him in quiet amusement while he bellowed. Realizing he was not succeeding in getting Mommy's goat, he ups the ante and shoves one index finger into each nostril and delivers toddler rage served cold on platter. Glaring at Mommy, he shouts, "You're not getting my nose yucky EVER AGAIN MOMMY!"

We'll see.

Summer Vacation - Visiting Grandma & Grandpa

Earlier this month, we embarked on our bi-annual trip to visit Daddy's parents, Grandma Jane and Grandpa Mel. The day dawned early and not so bright (since morning for us hit around 4am in order to make it to the airport on time). After we got the car packed, we tried to gently nestle the kids in their seats hoping they'd sleep to the airport. No such luck.

For two excited little boys, every moment brought a new little thrill. There was the light rail train on the way to the airport (six of them), the bus ride to the airport, and, perhaps best of all, Helios got to try out his new booster seat (an upgrade from his car seat). By the way, both boys were made honorary TSA agents. This did nothing to help Mommy in getting her contraband water bottle through.

The first leg of the trip was uneventful and involved a little kicking back, some reading, a smidgeon of movie watching and, most importantly, a visit to the cockpit. When that ceased to amuse, there was plenty for Helios and Hesperos to look at - airplanes, Mount Hood, and the excitement of the beverage cart which brought almost any drink the children could imagine and many more they couldn't.

For the second leg, the two un-napped junior pilots did a little crashing and napping before we arrived at our final destination and took the shuttle to the hotel. If you're a little one, the hotel is the crowning delight of a vacation and this was never more true than during our stay at aLoft. Thanks to the techno-house music that played from the moment we passed by the waterfall, Helios was excitedly dancing from the time we walked in until we got into our room with the colorful throw pillows.

There was no family visiting on this, our first day of vacation, comprised as it was of 12 hours in airports. But there was still plenty to see and enjoy.

Grab Your Robes and Mortar Boards, It's Graduation Time!

(If you are reading this via Facebook, scroll down to end of post and click on "View Original Post" to read this within the blog.)

In mere days will be the event that little boys and girls dream of from the time they're dropped off in daycare at six weeks old. It's the day when all those crafts, songs, and arduous physical activities finally pay off. It's preschool graduation.

Sadly, due to an ill-timed family vacation planned to visit the boys' grandparents in the northeast, Helios will miss his preschool graduation. However, thanks to the miracles of advance preparation and home video, we are still able to immortalize Helios singing his graduation song that he would've performed with his class.

LYRICS:
Learned my letters, A-B-C, A-B-C
Learned my numbers, 1-2-3, 1-2-3
I can even write my name with ease
Aren't you very proud of me, proud of me?

Kindergarten here we come, here we come
Kindergarten here we come, here we come
So long preschool, it's been fun
Kindergarten here we come! Here we come!

Why Advertising Works on Children

Along with "HIPPO" and "GIRAFFE," one of Helios' first spelled words was "TARGET" (that strip mall mini-Mecca where trains are sold). He also early on was able to recognize "STARBUCKS" (land of hot chocolate and scones) and "MCDONALD'S" (home of apple slices). Thanks to a few savvy marketers, he is now able to recognize "CLEAR" as well.

This past spring at the local mall, Clear Wireless introduced a promotional display. Wireless is boring enough to kids (and most adults) - even the Apple yuppie or some Intel factory bunnies can't make their products interesting to children. But Clear is smart. They slapped their logo on an inflatable "snow globe" with a cupcake inside and circulating sprinkles. If you've ever seen the chipmunk in Ice Age questing for its acorn, you have seen the wild, bug-eyed stare with which these two boys greeted this 7-foot high cupcake in a globe.

Once we got them to stop hugging the cupcake, we were able to get them to hug each other and take this picture. Don't mistake it for a sign of brotherly love - while those displays do occur, this was rather a flush of mad passion for sugary glutenous wonders manifested as a massive cupcake. The brother just happened to be there to receive some of the residual love.